Moments to Remember (or Forget): FACE Family
by frogandrabbitsox
Summary: This is a collection of funny (or not) memories of the FACE family. I hope it is original, because, like most fanfictioners, ORIGINAL MEANS UNIQUE! No, I will try my best not to copy other fanfictioners. Other Hetalia characters will be mentioned. FrUK is mentioned a lot. I hope you enjoy this random stuff that came to my mind at the last second!
1. Dumb Ways to Die Part 1

_**Another funny story! All review, favs, and follows (If i have any...) are greatly appreciated. Yes, they are very important to me, every bit of it. It is the fuel that drives me to keep on writing fanfiction. This fic will continue for a long time. Thanks for reading! (Each fanfic is in the series Moments To Remember (Or Forget). This is the first one of the series (it's the easiest to write)**_

_**Now I got to stop blabbering on and on. Enjoy the story!**_

_**-Cassie**_

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Dumb Ways to Die- Part 1

1. Set your hair on fire

It was a complete accident. Hey, I didn't volunteer to stick his head into the oven!

It was the bloody frog's fault! He was the one who made me join the contest.

Ohonhonhon... It is Arthur's fault for being bad at cooking...

Umm... I-I-I think it was just a simple accident. Nothing to worry about, eh?

"Hey Artie!" an certain American nation strode into the kitchen, "Let's go out to eat! Mattie and I decided on a great place! Dude, come on!"

The British gentleman was sitting on the kitchen stool, reading a English classic while holding a electronic mixer. "Oh, I'm cooking the food today, Alfred. Go sit down and finish your papers, lunch will be ready in half an hour."

At this, Alfred and Mattie, who went downstairs to get food for Kuma... whatever, paled. And and this particular moment, a certain French nation decided to stroll into the kitchen. His face wore the usual perverted expression, but now he seemed to sparkle (Edward the Vampire!) with pervertedness and some form of happiness.

"Ohonhonhon... Angleterre, you don't know? Your food is beyond terrible. And once you burned up the house, non? Maybe I should cook this once, to save our poor ex-colonies from eating coal that you call food."

Arthur, who was definitely not in a good mood, stood up, his green eyes piercing and smoldering with fury. "Frog, my food is much better than that bloody slop that you produce! I can assure you that it IS edible! If you think you are so superior, what about we have Alfred and Mattie judge our skills? Don't tell me that you are afraid of competition, frog."

Francis' eyes lit up. This was definitely going in the right direction. "Ohonhonhon, I accept. Let the cooking contest begin!"

The two other nations, who had no say whatsoever, could only gape at Francis with their eyes screaming, "OMIGOSH, YOU WANT US TO DIE, PERVERT?" After all, everyone knew that Arthur's scones was deadlier than rat poison. And that is the self-proclaimed FOOD he was trying to COOK. The brothers could only hide away in a corner as they viewed the beginning of an inevitable destruction.

30 minutes later...

The kitchen was hell. Bloody hell. Arthur, who was making his not-so-popular scones, was spilling everything, which almost caused Matthew, who was chasing Kumapowa, to almost slip and fall into a mess of... barf... from Alfred. The towels were soaked in whatever liquid was existing, the cabinets a wreck, spices and powders spread out on the floor, kitchen utensils thrown into wherever they could land, machines breaking (especially the oven. The family's 328th oven. Courtesy of Arthur Kirkland and his skills at making rat poison, I mean, scones.), and chaos caused by cussing, cursing, almost summoning Ivan again, and many more things best left unnoticed.

Then the oven started smoking. Really hard. For the 328th time. Francis, who was already finished with his dish, just laughed, "Ohonhonhon... Seems like Angleterre really can't do anything. See, he can't even use an oven! Besides, time is almost up. You have 10 seconds to get your dish ready. If not..." Francis kept pervertedly laughing. This totally made Arthur's temper flare.

"THAT'S IT YOU BLOODY FROG! MY FOOD IS FINE AND IT HAS JUST FINISHED! COME HERE ALFRED! SEE FOR YOURSELF!"

Suddenly, the Brit whipped open the oven door, and some twist in physics grabbed the poor Nantucket nation and sucked his head into the oven. He screamed in terror and noticed a burning sensation on his head. He looked up and screamed even louder. A girly scream, not a man scream.

"OMIGOSH! NANTUCKET IS ON FIRE! 911! 911! AAAAAAH! I'M GONNA DIEEEEEE!"

Alfred ran out of the house with a flaming torch of a head. Matthew only sighed and went to get the checkbook.

2. Poke a stick at a grizzly bear

Francis was in a mood. Not just any mood. A good mood. A mood that is stuck to his face, making a sign that says: "This man has perverted ideas, and will probably wreck your life. Forever." And he decided to take this mischief and place it on the head of a particular green-eyed Brit.

Taking a stick, he tip-toed toward the nation reading a very old book of some sort AND ignoring the housework again, which is something he doesn't usually do. The pervert made a whisper of a laugh and poked him in the elbow.

"Frog, stop it. I'm trying to read here."

Francis almost started laughing. So, Angleterre was in a good mood. Hmmmm... this was going to be a very drastic change for him.

The pervert then took the stick and poked Arthur in his stomach. The Brit grumbled something and glared at Francis. And then his upper arm. And then his upper thigh. And then his hair. And then his chest. And then his feet. Artie, who was determined to stay happy, tried not to react.

Suddenly, out of the blue, a thought suddenly struck Francis like the shooting star to Arthur. His perverted smile widened. He picked up the stick and...

Wham.

Poked hard. Right. Into. The. Brit's. Eyebrows.

Those bushy, odd eyebrows. The ones that were laughed at. The ones that set Arthur apart from others.

Arthur stood rigid when the stick made contact with the eyebrows. Slowly, he turned around and glared at the French nation. All of his patience and happiness disappeared. His green eyes shined bright with anger. His face turned red as a tomato. A tomato on fire. Slowly, the Brit got up and grabbed the quivering Frenchie by the shoulder.

Francis, who was making a desperate escape, gulped. His usually cynical %coughwifecough% (hey, doesn't that remind you of SuFin?) is now raging. Like a bear? Like a bear. When the Englishman lifted his hand of for one second, one second only, the other nation made a mad dash for the creek outdoors. But not fast enough. Arthur ran equally as quickly and rammed into the escapee. Both nations tumbled down the hill in front of the house and into the creek, where they wrestled and where a certain French man tried to disappear or nation-hop, which can't be possible if someone is hanging on you and trying to bite your head. The man-screaming, woman-screaming (all eyes turn to Francis), shrieks, grunting, and the water splashing attracted the attention of a certain Canadian who was currently writing a check and watching the invited alien, Tony, cut Alfred's hair.

"Aye you scumbag! I have half the mind to make ye jump from the plank into the Seven Seas over and over and drown ye!"

"HELP! MATTHEIU! I'M GOING TO DIE!"

Matthew looked over and paled once more. Arthur's pirate mode had taken over. He quickly went to pull Alfred over before Arthur started threatening Antonio about the Armada incident. Alfred, who just got his hair cut, glanced at the two fighting nations and understood immediately. They both got some chains and stealthily, but trembling still, crept toward the commotion. Immediately, they lunged at the two nations and pulled them apart. Matthew managed to drag Francis quick enough to avoid being groped and tied him to a special metal pole that was made especially for the two parent nations. Alfred, with his super strength, held Arthur up into the air like some special trophy and tied him to the metal pole also. With perfect timing, Kumajirou hobbled over and handed the forgetful and often ignored nation some pills. As the two older nations were spewing profanities and yelling supposedly seductive phrases, the two experienced ex-colonies shoved some of the little objects into the said nations' mouths. Immediately, Francis and Arthur went silent and seem to become drowsy.

Mattie looked at the two nations disapprovingly, "Really guys? Papa, please do not tempt Maman into any sort of trouble. As you can see, the result is right in from of you and in the kitchen." He pointed at Alfred's hair, still looking a little singed, and the checkbook. "I do not wish to get caught up in such trouble any further. Therefore, you two will not be able to go back inside the house until tomorrow. Who are the mature ones now, Maman?" The older nations just gaped in shock. They never really talked or showed much attention to Matthew, but they never expected that he would have such colorful vocabulary and would be this mature. And as always, the two parent nations were comparing him to Alfred. Again.

The younger nations walked back into the house to clean up the disaster that happened.

"Maple", the more ignored ex-colony muttered, "There's a lot of work to be done."

3. Eat medicine that's out of date

The ex-colonies were experienced with this kind of matter. Very experienced, but they forgot one thing in the midst of their anger.

Arthur likes carrying his wand everywhere. For anything. When he needed Flying Mint Bunny, he was there with a wave of a wand, if the wand didn't mess up. When he wanted to change Francis into a frog, he could, and also change several other nations into girls along with the not-yet-messed-up Frog. It was just his luck that Arthur was carrying it right now.

Feeling kind of sleepy and in a mood for a book, the irritated nation put his half-usable arm in his jacket pocket to find something entertaining and good for ignoring the perverted nation near him. Walah. He instead found the ever-so-familiar star on a stick. A well-know smile came into shape on his sleeping face. Arthur muttered, "gettusoutusofusher...headpil'ache'comma'ie'bastkdeg' logdec'aj..." and waved his wand. A blinding light filled his vision and suddenly, he realized he was free. Free! For once, he did NOT mess up on his spell. Unfortunately, the wand shattered into pieces after realizing that the spell worked perfectly. Also unfortunately, the frog was also let out. The chains and the pole disappeared! Both still drowsy from the medicine (did I mention that they had a headache?), they stumbled into the house from the backdoor. Their swearing and footsteps were concealed by the inevitably loud sound radiating from the TV, with an equally loud Alfred next to it. The hard-working Matthew was still cleaning the kitchen, attempting to yell at Alfred to shut up.

"So where is the aspirin?"

"I don't know, bloody frog! Perhaps in the bloody medicine cabinet in the basement."

The two barely made it into the dark room without collapsing. The ransacked the entire cabinet until Arthur found a little bottle with little white pills inside.

"AHA! Found the little bugger! Finally, the annoying drowsiness and headache are going to go away!"

Francis squinted at the label. "Angleterre," he mumbled carefully, "It says that the medicine expired a year ago... I don't think you should eat it."

Arthur glared at the French man, "To hell with the expiration date! I am determined to get rid of this headache once and for all!"

He took out a pill and swallowed it without hesitation. Two seconds after, Arthur's face turned pale. He began to feel very woozy and nauseous. He threw up again and again and started screaming in pain. He began grow odd bumps on his skin. Francis could only stare with shock and fright. Quickly, he yelled, "Matthieu! Help! Angleterre swallowed something poisonous! HELP!" At that moment, he realized that the pill wasn't an aspirin; it was something much worse.

"I'M GOING TO DIE! BASTARD ALFRED! COME DOWNSTAIRS YOU GIT!"

Meanwhile, Matthew finally got Alfred to stop watching the TV. And he barely died. Alfred, looking at him with childish sadness, asked, "Can I PLEASE turn the TV on?" Matthew sighed and replied for the umpteenth time, "No. And we should check on Papa and Maman now."

Alfred suddenly perked up, "Dude, why do I hear screaming in the basement? Wait, is that-"His eyes widened considerably, "DUDE, IS THAT ARTHUR AND FRANCIS? OMIGOSH! THEY BROKE FREE! PLUS, THEY SEEM TO BE DYING-"

He was cut off by Matthew as he pulled him at lightning speed toward the basement. He opened the door and grabbed the emergency kit. They began to do operations, surgery, etc... including a mental therapy for Francis. You know, Alfred used to do crazy science projects, such as making a trigger machine or a new species of deadly mushrooms. An hour later, the two adult nations were lying on their beds and quivering slightly. The younger nations were sweating and panting and drinking water. Alfred spoke up, "If it wasn't for us, you guys would have experienced a LOT more pain. Be glad guys."

Matthew also spoke up, "Forget it. You two are paying the repair bills."

THE END OF PART ONE!

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_**I will take any suggestions on how the next chapter goes, but it has to go with the song Dumb Ways to Die. Yes, the song made dying cute.**_

_**Sorry about GRSB... I didn't have the time to write it (plus another writer's block) while writing this chapter. I promise to update it as soon as I can. :)**_


	2. Dumb Ways to Die Part 2

_Another late chapter. Whatever. I hope you enjoy!_

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Dumb Ways to Die- Part II

4. Use your private parts as piranha bait

A perfect beach on a perfect camping day. The bright sun illuminating a clear blue sky. The beach was filled with white and yellow sand. The vegetation was green and tropical. The river stretched out miles upon miles, turning from a clear color to green, blue, and finally purple as it went deeper and deeper. The sand was littered with different shaped stones, shells, all of different varieties, colors and whereabouts. The perfect place to relax and have fun. Relax? Please. With nations, "relax" doesn't exist.

At least not with the FACE family.

"Dude, the beach looks awesome! Iggy, grab the camping supplies! Mattie, go get the picnic basket! Francis, go help them or do whatever! The hero's gonna swim!"

An overexcited Alfred raced as fast as he could toward the river as fast as he could, only to be grabbed by a exhausted and frustrated Matthew. The violet-eyed ex-colony sighed and repeated the overused line, "Alfred, don't go doing something by yourself. You have to help us unpack!"

"Hehe, I guess I forgot..." Alfred smiled sheepishly and started lugging bags and boxes toward the sand.

Loads and loads of stuff was dumped onto the tropical sand: three sleeping tents, some chairs, food, some sleeping bags, clothes, books, video games, pink underwear stolen from someone, a crotch rose, swimming trunks + a bikini (ohonhonhonhon), plus many things that were buried deep within the site. After the family "cooperated" (which involves excess swearing, blood, Manada, hamburgers, crotch roses, and groping) and managed to set up the site without killing anything, they pulled on the swimming trunks and laid on the sand, exhausted.

"Dude, does anyone want to go swimming?" a not-so-exhausted Alfred asked.

At this, the French man's eyes lit up. He walked toward the river. And stripped.

And stripped.

He literally ripped of the swimming trunk and underneath it was... a crotch rose (thank goodness Arthur brought one of those along). Francis jumped inside the water without hesitation to show the flower off to the fish.

Arthur gaped at the mad French man, "You git! Keep your pants on! We don't want you to show any more of your bloody body to public!"

The Englishman looked behind him at the two ex-colonies, who were staring at Francis as if he was another one of Arthur's failed experiments. Acting all smug, the said nation retorted yet again, "See, even your _children _are staring at you. Some parent."

"T-t-t-that's not what w-w-we m-m-meant..." Matthew stuttered while gaping, "The r-r-r-river is f-f-f-filled w-w-w-with-"

"Pirahnas..." Alfred finished quietly. And at this moment, a woman-scream broke the dark silence.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!"

Arthur, who was not the least concerned, started laughing his arse off, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU BLOODY IDIOT! DON'T JUMP INTO A RIVER WITHOUT THINKING FIRST! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tears were streaming down his face while he rolled around the sand. The two ex-colonies could barely keep the tears of laughter from their faces as they saw a naked French man hollering while running around the sand at MACH 15 with little fish ripped off and flying all over the place. Blood was oozing, but who cares? He's a nation; it'll heal. Right now, there are even more important matters to take care of.

Arthur, Alfred, and Matthew attempted to pull the fish off of Francis' legs and... crotch. After some long work, Francis fainted. But not before he muttered, "Mon cher, I thought I was going to die..."

your toast out with a fork

"...And that is how chopsticks can be used~aru." Yao finished and sighed at the bored-looking American, holding an icepack to his cheek and waiting for the older nation to finish. "Well, you DID loose the bet~aru. Good luck using them for a month~aru."

As Yao walked away, the Alfred stumbled back home, mumbling curses and things learned from Arthur. Immediately, he jumped into his warm race car bed and dozed off. He'll have to used them for all purposes, which sucked, because he was too heroic to use chopsticks, or whatever those stick thingies were. As soon as Alfred dozed off, a tired and exhausted Matthew came home with a broken beer bottle in one hand and Gilbird trapped in the other.

"Maple... I'm very sorry, Gilbird, but until your owner stops attempting to rape me, you will have to stay here. Goodness, Gilbert should really learn some manners."

"Piyo~" The little bird replied, for he had seen this before, and left Matthew's hand to play with Pierre and Kumajirou.

Matthew sighed and dug in the refrigerator. Arthur was gone and (thank goodness) wouldn't be able to burn the kitchen, I mean, cook, and Francis was at the bar with his friends, including Gilbert. Matthew was driving them and barely made it to the bar without hitting them and throwing them out the window. In the midst of the fight, he managed to grab Gilbird and escape home with the car. As the said nation ate yesterday's leftovers, he spotted some sticks and a note taped with them. He took the note and read it aloud, "Alfred-You must take car of these chopsticks and use them well. Or else, your debt will be doubled~aru. "Matthew sighed. Alfred lost the bet. He put the sticks inside the utensil drawer and accidentally left a fork on the counter while getting finding ingredients for tomorrow's pancakes. After some tedious work, the nation walked to his room and closed the door.

Next day... 6:00 AM

Alfred woke up at the sound of the alarm. He quickly pressed the snooze button, and flopped back into the bed. Stupid alarm... Dang it, I smashed it again. Now I will have to buy ANOTHER one. The 1000th one or so...

Alfred sighed. Arthur also made a mistake in ANOTHER spell he did: Now Arthur has to wake up early or else he will be turned into a fairy. At that thought, Alfred shuddered. You do not want to experience that feeling. HE WAS INVISIBLE. THE HERO DISAPPEARED! Never laugh at Arthur's fairies, guys. Cuz they're real. Very real.

The nation dragged himself out of bed and shoved Texas onto his nose. Blearily, he stumbled into the kitchen. Dang it, Mattie isn't awake yet. That means I'll have to make breakfast. The nation grabbed the refrigerator door, swung it open, and was confronted with... bread. Damn bread. Out of all things. Why didn't Matthew buy some actual food?

Alfred was about to scream something vile until he heard a murmuring on the couch. Slowly peeking over, and making sure it wasn't a ghost or Ivan, the nation crept over and saw Arthur. He should be awake in a few minutes. Plus, Francis was close by, groping the sleeping nation as usual. Being as quite as he could be (with the exception of a few curses and falling utensils), Alfred shoved the bread into the toaster as he hunted for chopsticks that he could never find. And then he saw the fork. It was splattered with pancake mix, making it look yellow (Matthew made pancake mix yesterday and hid it :), just like chopsticks should look. Thinking it was chopsticks, the nation grabbed it and waited for the bread to cook. Heck, the man didn't even know it was a fork.

Finally, after 3 f***ing minutes, the bread was cooked. Alfred, not knowing better, stabbed at the bread with the fork.

Of course, you guys would say, "Hey, you don't DIE from a fork and a toaster! It doesn't work!" But, of course, the toaster was abused and beaten from the times the cooking wiz Arthur used it, so there were some dangerous flukes. Including a dangerous electrocution possibility.

As soon as the fork touched the inside of the toaster, a dangerous fizz was heard and then our good friend Alfred screamed. Matthew jumped up and quickly raced over and pulled the plug before permanent damaged was done. Alfred fell to the floor, his skin and clothes scorched and his hair spiky-looking and very electrocuted, which it was. Immediately, Arthur jumped up and screamed, "BLOODY BASTARD! DON'T TOUCH MY ARSE!" and flung the awoken French nation out of the house. He spotted Alfred and came to the kitchen and sighed, "The bloody idiot. So, where's the nearest hospital"

At this point in time, Matthew was already putting up a yellow tape surrounding Alfred at a 2 feet radius from his body. He dug in a dark duffel bag until he found some sort of contraption and clicked a trigger. A dart shot out of the end of the contraption right into his neck. Suddenly, Alfred jumped up and screamed, "GET A NEW TOASTER ARTHUR! I JUST DIED RIGHT THEN!"

Arthur, clearly surprised, muttered at Matthew, "How the bloody hell did you do that?"

Matthew, who was used to that question, just sighed, "Our mad scientist experiments were mentioned last chapter. Pay attention, Arthur."

"Ah, yes, right," Arthur replied almost instantly, "And by the way, I payed the repair bills."

your own electrical work

The two brothers were playing a new video game Kiku designed especially for them.

"Dude, move left! And get the life pack, the one filled with hamburgers. Hack at the field to find some MP points, or just pick the berries for 30 PM each."

"Alfred, you're getting the life pack if you want it. And beside, I'm in a battle with Gilbo5MetresofAwesome right now. I already picked the berries."

"Mattie, you're blocking my space of awesome! I'm supposed to be in battle and be the hero. Wait, no, I'll save you right now and I'll be the hero! Here I-"

He was caught mid-sentence when the video game completely shut down and the lights went out. It was dead silence.

Meanwhile...

"Come, come, fall into the abyss, and never return..." Arthur sang. All of a sudden, the shower water, once warm, turned stone cold. Arthur yelled in surprise and inevitably started cursing. He closed the shower and immediately grabbed a towel and headed for the basement.

"Bloody electricity went out. Damn it, where the bloody hell is my bloody wand?!" He rummaged through the old books and things in the basement, where all the dark magic is performed. "AHA! Found you, you wanker!"

"Aurummus de coitens loit fare' koruamnus' francinsca diabolos perveritonas' est coneoch..."

With the brothers...

"Ah, screw this. Where are our scientist stuff?"

"In the attic, Alfred. Should I get it?"

"We better, before Arthur says another spell and kills-"

With that happy thought in mind, the lights flickered and the room was filled with light once again.

The two brothers looked at each other. They quickly ran to the basement and flung open the door.

"ARTHUR! DON'T CAST THE SPELL! YOU'RE-"

Too late.

The three nations immediately grabbed whatever thing they could grab and tried their best to extinguish the fire.

"DON'T USE ANOTHER SPELL TO REVERSE IT!"

"Bloody hell..."

The whole house was on fire, and the twins, who were currently being burned up, dug furiously in the basement for some sort of fire extinguisher. Alfred squirted random liquids that were thankfully not flammable. Arthur was shrieking mad curses that were not helping with the current situation. Matthew was muttering profanities, but was doing a good job of building a makeshift fire extinguisher in 20 seconds. As they battled their way out of the house, they spotted a hidden contraption. Alfred made a mad dash for it and immediately hit the trigger. In no time, the fire was extinguished, but the house was left burnt.

"Thanks Tony. I knew I could count on you."

"F***ing limey..."

They looked around what was left of the house.

"Arthur, I made Flying Mint Bunny take your wand. Plus, you have to pay the bills again."

"Damn it."


End file.
